.. yes, its been a while since I've written something meaningful. Some of it is b/c of lack of time.. some of it is because I just feel lame writing down what I think sometimes.. maybe cuz I usually try to sound smart, and being terrible at English, I refrain from providing another channel where friends (yes my dear friends) expose me of my weakness =p [ yes Hau, its Doug not Dough haha]
but with the new year and all, things have really been different. I look at stuff I posted when Turtle and I first moved to NYC, man.. it looks painful , and.. comedic - being destitute, killing Mice with bleach (Heh-heh, that's me), meeting new friends and putting pictures of us hanging out with them to document/show ppl back home that Don't worry, we're not alone & NYC is fabulous (or for me last least, turtle has a mob of peeps calling her ass all the time.)
Well, new stuff has been popping up, and I think about settling vs. greed a lot... Like, my job, how much money I make, bfs, gfs, ppl looking for rings, ppl getting married, ppl wanting all these expensive sH**, to go to best grad/mba schools. Sometimes I think its just all kinda crazy.. I can't tell if someone or anyone can be really happy, Ever. And do you tell someone when you think they're settling, for something that's actually very important? Is settling really the final step to being satisfied and happy? Is it just plain too greedy to keep wanting the better, or the perfect "thing"? Sometimes wanting to much can come off as so annoying.. (we all know someone...)
At age 24 ( yes, very scary .. i will soon leave the realm of early 20's), I feel like all the stuff that has been making me really happy that are cost-free.. could be fleeting me FAST - like a good song that I can be jammin' to with my friends in the car in the free way, or.. watching my dance buddy break while we're shopping in the supermarket.. or.. being kissed by someone that doesn't know about what you do/make at your job or what's considered "Good On Paper" but just bc they dig you for style or the way, I dunno, the moonlight f**kin' reflect in your eyes.. or wutever..
now that I'm getting older.. stuff that supposedly make ppl my age happy are having very big price tag on it (as a consultant I feel like I should rec. my friends to outsource their weddings/rings, the shit is f***kin expensive!~). Would we all get what we want if we keep trying and persevere.. eventually? Or does everyone just grow up, search for the biggest price tags, and then after a while.. just settle... are we just all trying to complete our negotiation with the "world" so to speak? What do you think? Am I just being a commie and over-thinking?
